Online Dating For Dummies Part Two--Baby, It's a Wild World

One thing most of us are taught to believe as children, is that there is good in almost everyone.  Unfortunately, after we've lived our lives for a while, we find that this isn't always quite accurate.  You want to remember this if you are participating in online dating, and be prepared for the reaction you will get from friends and family once they get wind of what you're doing--they will all come out of the woodwork voicing their concerns for your safety, and rightly so.  Haven't you heard the horror stories of women who were silly enough to give a complete stranger directions to their house in good faith, only to never be heard from again? Discounting for the random urban legend, some of those stories are actually true, unfortunately, but that doesn't mean that all of those miscreants are lurking on online dating sites, and it doesn't mean you have to worry just yet if your dental records haven't been updated since junior high school, either.   As long as you're savvy and grow some street smarts, you'll be fine, just fine, Clarice.

                            

Sometimes, all the clues you need to avoid running into Dr. Lecter or any of his cohorts are right there in front of you--in his profile.  You just need to be educated in what to look for.  

So, once again, let's peruse another fictitious profile:

About      Non-smoking, chianti lover with wiry body type

Details    59 year old man, 5'10", Other Religion

Intent      HannibalL is desperately seeking a live-in arrangement

Personality   Class Clown

Well, what do you think?  Seems legit to me, but we really can't be sure til we break this mother down just a bit.  Let's dissect this line by line and see what we come up with, shall we?  Okay--so far so good; we have a guy that doesn't smoke and is a wine aficionado.  Pretty sophisticated, too, because when was the last time you saw "Box O'Chianti" sitting on the shelf at the ol' "Swig n' Save" liquor store?  Never, I bet.  Looks like he may be a classy kind of guy. His wiry body type is telling us he doesn't sit still very long, either. He's clearly a go-getter.  He sees what he wants, he goes after it, and he captures it.  He's probably building all sorts of sturdy containment thingy-s in his man-cave, and I'd wager he has all kinds of nervous energy, too.  This one has handy-man potential written alllllll over him.

But hang on here......fifty-nine?  He's getting up there, but so is this guy,

                                               

and I don't think you'd object to him showing up at your door, even though he's got twenty years on Mr. Chianti Lover.  So, don't you worry none about the age--it's just a number, baby.  Fifty-nine is the new thirty-seven, or something like that.  Let's see how he stacks up on the vertical measure.   Five-foot-ten.  You may like them tall, but how much taller do you really need?  He's got a few inches on you, and at a little under six-feet tall he's still tall enough to make you feel watched over and protected.  

Now, how do you feel about religion?  You're decidedly Catholic, but this fella isn't disclosing any affiliation what-so-ever, nor is he letting on who or what he believes in or worships. Don't let your imagination run wild and assume his idea of worshiping is dancing and prancing his little cloven hooves off with his freakish goat friends while playing a flute as his gold pentagram pendant swings wildly around his neck.  He's just not one to follow the mainstream and run with the less open-minded pack.  

Love the screen name!  Kind of "Tom Sawyer-ish", isn't it?  So he has just a touch of "bad-boy" in him, but who wants a Mr. Goody-Two-Hooves anyway?

He's in it to win it---he's not only wanting to share life with someone, a partner-in-crime, if you will--he's desperate, DESPERATE, do you understand,to find her---YOU!

And you like humor, don't you?  This guy is full of it.  Hopefully, not as much as this guy, though.  He was a class clown, too.

                                              

                                                 

This really looks promising, and aren't you glad you are making the little bit of extra effort to read, really READ his information, looking for those red-flags, listening for those blaring police sirens, and lifting your leg to step over that pesky yellow police crime scene investigation tape in order to do it?  Who's a smart, cautious girl? YOU ARE!

Now that we've cleared those hurdles, it's on to the home stretch.  Let's acquire a little more knowledge about our wiry friend.

City   Quantico, VA

Ethnicity     Ask me later

Education   PhD, Post Doctoral

Profession   Fashion Designer

Well, how did this guy get past your "within 50-mile radius" requirement? I'd be willing to go with that is a sign you were meant to find him.  Lot's of people are known to relocate for love, so let's not write him off just yet.  I hear Virginia is for lovers, just sayin'.  

He's a little coy on the ethnicity, but I'm thinking there may be a little European in there, judging by the most excellent and sophisticated wine conoisseur we have on our lily white, unlined hands.

He's a smarty, to boot!  Clever, possibly cunning.   Bet he makes a good living.  That's always important.  I bet he wouldn't mind your occasional indulgence of purchasing mass quantities of your favorite Bath and Body Works lotions.  Just a hunch, but he may even insist you not only buy them, but will want you to wear some at all times.

I might wonder about the whole fashion designer profession thing he's got going on, though---especially since that doesn't quite fit his education status.  Why would someone with a post-doctorate PhD gravitate into the world of women's fashion?  Because he can, silly!  He's made his fortune, now he's doing what he wants to do!  However, how much of a fashion snob is this man?  Will he look down on you and your expensive bag and cheap shoes?  Maybe.  But let him take you under his wiry wing and school you on what looks best on you.  Maybe he will be that one person who finally, finally, makes you so comfortable in your own skin, you won't care what you're wearing or carrying.  

So, you have my permission to pursue this---see what happens, and get out of that little self-imposed basement pit you've built yourself into, hose yourself off, and just let love happen.  This one's a keeper, and so are you!